I think it’s fair to say that the beginning of a relationship is often the most exciting part; getting butterflies whenever they text you, finding out quirky things about them that surprise you, feeling their skin for the first time, learning how they kiss and exploring their perfect imperfections. This part, the early part, is supposed to be all about knowing how much they like you, how much they want to get to know you, how they can’t wait to kiss you. I’m supposed to be enjoying this, and I guess a lot of the time I do, yet I can’t help but feel anxious about how he feels, worried that he’s going to suddenly realise that I’m not great or lovely or even remotely pretty and know that he will be better off without me. Like I said, the beginning of relationships are supposed to be the most exciting, so why the hell am I not enjoying it?
Sometimes, I hate myself more than I could ever explain.